How to choose the few voices that get a vote
By Mike Acker
Choose no more than five people whose voices get real weight in your life, and keep the list small enough to fit on a one-inch square. Pick people who care about you, tell you the truth, and know what you value. Everyone else can still be heard. They just do not get a vote.
Who sits on your board?
I have served on several boards over the years. One of them was for a nonprofit that helps kids break the cycle of poverty. The needs were endless, and almost every meeting someone brought a new idea that was good and kind and worth doing. One of our most important jobs was to say, "That is a great idea. But it will pull you away from your mission."
That is what a board does. It holds the direction. So here is my question for you. Who sits on your board? Not your company's board. Yours. Most of us have never chosen. Our board is whoever happened to be the loudest when we needed direction, and that is how a boss, a critic, or a comment section ends up with a seat they were never given.
Why no more than five
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that our relationships sit in layers, like rings in a tree. The innermost ring is tiny, about five people. Those are the ones you would call in a real crisis. Your inner circle has room for about five voices. Choose them before someone else does.
Brené Brown describes keeping a small square of paper in her wallet with the names of the people whose opinions of her really matter. If the list does not fit on the square, it is too long. Your board does not need to be big. It needs to be right.
What earns a seat
For years in Oxford, C.S. Lewis listened as J.R.R. Tolkien read chapters of the book that would become The Lord of the Rings. Lewis did not write the book, and Tolkien often ignored his suggestions. But Lewis cared about the work, told the truth about it, and believed it should exist. Tolkien later wrote that he owed Lewis an unpayable debt.
That is the test. Look for people who care about you, who tell you the truth, and who know your values well enough to hold you to them. Kind and honest, together.
Wax or mast
When Odysseus sailed past the Sirens, his crew put wax in their ears so they could not hear the song at all. Odysseus heard every note, but he had himself tied to the mast. Some voices you block. Others you hear but refuse to obey, because you are tied to something stronger. Your board is the mast.
Your inner circle has room for about five voices. Choose them before someone else does.
Name your board today
- Write down no more than five names. These are the people whose voices you choose to give real weight.
- Next to each name, write the area where they get a vote. Career, faith, parenting, health, or all of it.
- Write one voice that has been sitting on your board without your permission. Next to it, write wax or mast. Will you block it, or hear it and hold on to something stronger?
- Tell one person on your list. Send a short message this week saying you have given their voice a seat and why.
You are on someone else's board
If you lead people, parent, coach, or teach, your voice is already inside someone else's head. The words you say, and even the expectations you never say out loud, can become part of their playlist. As you choose your board, ask one more question. What kind of voice am I on other people's boards?
Questions people ask
Does this mean I should ignore everyone who is not on my board?
No. Every voice can be heard. Not every voice gets a vote. You can listen, learn, and stay open to feedback while keeping real authority for the few people who have earned it.
Can my board change?
Yes. Boards rotate. Someone who belonged there ten years ago may not belong there now, and new people will earn seats. Review your list every so often, out of care rather than suspicion.
Should my board include people who disagree with me?
It should include people who will tell you the truth, and that sometimes means disagreement. The best seat holders combine care and challenge.